Without a Word
by julia-neHH
Summary: You left me empty and without a care for the love I hold for you. What happened to us? I spend my days drinking, trying to get drunk so I can feel your love. So I can hold you in my arms again. But that's not enough, is it? Because you're gone and I'm dying. Why did you ever let go? *******song-fic


**Without a Word**

I chug down the last drop of tequila down and throw it to the side. I pick up another bottle and open it up. I drink some and let the strong taste take control over me. Some of the liquid rolls down from my jaw down to my chest. I hissed at the taste and my face scrunches up. I cough and wipe the substance of my chin. I breathe heavily and lean back on my couch. I sit there looking in front of me lifeless and hopeless.

What happened to us Loren?

Why did I ever let you go?

I blink the tears away and laugh bitterly. "Is this what it comes down to?" I take another sip of the bottle and let the tears roll down. What happened? Everything was going so well between us. We were so in love and I already saw us living together as one for the rest of our lives. I loved you.

I still do. And that will never fade away. Even if you don't, I will always love you. I wipe the tears away violently and take another sip. I end up drinking the whole bottle. That night I fall on my bed drunk and not giving a care to the world. I lost my reason to breathe anymore. I'm lost. And the one person who can find me doesn't love me.

-O-

**Hey you can tell the world**  
**That you're leaving**  
**And you can pack your bags**  
**And spread your wings**  
**And you can tell them all**  
**That it's over**  
**But while you wave goodbye**  
**I'll be getting closer**

**-o-**

_"Why don't you listen?" _

_I shake my head. "Why are you doing this Loren?"_

_I look up at her and she's looking down at the floor avoiding my gaze. Two suitcases are outside of the door filled with all her belongings. She sighs and shrugs. "We lost it."_

_I step closer to her and my body shakes. "No we didn't."_

_"Yes we did!" She shouts again. The tears are stinging again. "You're never around. You're either on a tour or-or on interviews and-and…" She looks around trying to make other excuses. She shrugs again and shakes her head. What are you hiding? Stop making excuses. Stop lying._

_"Bullshit!"_

_She flinched at my sudden tone and nods her head. I see tears roll down her cheek. "We lost it Eddie." She repeats again. "We lost it." Her gaze returns to the ground. She stares at it conflicted and unsure._

_"Stop this." I walk closer to her and wrap my arms around her. I shut my eyes and embrace her tightly. Her body shakes. "Tell me the real reason please. Tell me what's going on and we'll get through this. We will. Please babe tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it. I'll fix it…" I hide my head in the crook of her neck and inhale her sweet aroma. Please don't go. What happened? Please tell me. Stay with me._

_"You're never around." She says it again. I pull her closer and the tears are stinging asking to come out. That's not it, is it? You're lying. I know you and that's not enough to break us apart. We're stronger than this. We will overcome this and go back to how we were._

_"Why? Why are you doing this…?" I let out soft cries and hug her tight, never letting her go. "Why? When I love you so much…"_

_Her cries are muffled by my shirt. She shakes her head and I held her tightly. "That's the problem. You do but I…" No don't say it. Please don't. You're lying. _

_"I don't love you anymore." She whimpers and I fall on my knees. No. That's not true. Show me you don't care anymore. It's not over. You still love me. You do… Show me you don't but I'll still believe you're lying. We weren't a lie. We weren't… Please stay with me. Don't go. Don't leave me broken. Please. Not when I need you so much. _

_I wrap my arms around her waist and dig my head on her stomach. The tears are rolling down and there's no stop to it._

_"You don't mean it. Why are you lying?"_

_She gasping, she covered her mouth with her hands. "I don't love you."_

_"Don't." Please babe. Don't. This is too painful. It's too much._

_"I don't love you." She gasps again and clutch her, holding for dear life. "I don't love you."_

_"You're killing me Loren." I held her tighter and the endless stream of tears sipped through her dress. The dress she wore when I met her. The day I fell in love with her. _

_"Please understand Eddie." She whimpered and forcefully pulled my arms off her. My arms dropped to my sides and I looked at her. Tears were rolling down her cheek as well. A sad smile formed her face. How could you smile? Do you enjoy watching me in pain? Does it satisfy you? Who are you? You're not the Loren I'm in love with. What happened? Tell me and I'll save us. The tears rolled down._

_"Goodbye Eddie."_

_I watched her go. On my knees, I watched her leave and didn't chase after her. _

_What happened to us?_

_She doesn't love me._

_-o-_

**Stand there and look into my eyes**  
**And tell me that all we had were lies**  
**Show me that to you don't care**  
**And I'll stay here if you prefer**  
**Yes I'll leave you without a word**  
**Without a word**

-o-

"Ed are you okay?"

"Never been better." I spat bitterly and took out a pack of cigarettes.

"You smoke now?"

"Yeah." I took one out and lighted it up. I brought it to my mouth and inhaled the smoke in. I puffed it out making small rings with it. I felt Ian's eyes digging holes on the side of my head. He closed the door and sniffed. His face scrunched up and coughed the revolting smell.

"It reeks in here."

I look at him for a mere second before blowing out the smoke. Ian walked over to me and his face grew with concern. "Ed…"

"I'm doing just fine."

"What happened to you?"

Everything. She left. She's gone and never coming back. She doesn't love me anymore. I looked forward and threw the cigarette on the floor. Ian stepped on it so the small light would burn off. "Mate that's dangerous."

I shrugged and leaned back.

"You're back early."

"Ummm yeah I came back for Melissa's birthday… Didn't she invite you?"

"I didn't want to go." She was going to be there. I don't think I'll be able to control myself if I see her. Ian stayed quiet for a second.

"Tell you what? Let's go out and have a little bit of fun. Forget about everything. What do you say?"

I laughed in a resentful manner. Ian looks at me with sadness.

"I don't need your pity."

I got up from the couch and picked up my wallet.

"Ed maybe you should talk to her. Something must've happened for her to leave. She didn't just leave because she didn't love you anymore. That's the biggest load I have ever heard. She's a mess too. Melissa doesn't know what to do with her." I turned around to him and he had a small smile. "She still loves you mate. And I don't think she ever stopped."

"It's been three months. Three months Ian. Nothing happened just that she doesn't care about me."

"Mate…"

"I don't know what to do. I lost all motivation to keep living. She just left me like that."

"She lov—"

"No she doesn't. If she did… she would've never done this." I whispered before shutting the door. I went inside the elevator and scrutinized my reflection on the metal doors. I have heavy bags under my eyes, my eyes are shot red from lack of sleep, I haven't shave for a week now and my hair is a mess. I down cast my eyes and my hands turn into fists.

And slowly I'm dying.

-o-

**And you can tell the world**  
**That you're tired**  
**But your excuses, they won't work**  
**'Cause I'll know that you're lying**  
**Every time that I see your face**  
**I notice all the suffering**  
**Just turn to my embrace**  
**I won't let you come to nothing**

-o-

The only time I ever go outside is to buy beer, cigarettes or food when my stomach so much desires it. Ever since she left, I haven't written any lyrics down. Hell I haven't even touched my piano. Pop's and Jake come visit me every day. They try their best to get me out. Pop's scolds at me for not going after her. For not finding out why and what. I want to. But fear gets a hold over me; I'm afraid of finding out the truth and ending up drowning deeper.

I have a heavy weight on my back and a broken heart. I don't even try to pick the pieces up. For what? When in the end it will be sent shattering again. Every morning I look to the other side, I look for her and she's not there. I sit on my couch looking in front of me for hours. I hate myself for having the slightest hope that she'll open that door and save me. I dream of us. I wake up and face reality. She'll never be back.

What happened to us?

I was walking toward the cashier with two boxes of beer when I bumped into someone. The person, or rather woman, was petite and she bounced back at the impact. I couldn't see who she was since her hair was all over her face. She regained her balance and scratched her head apologetically.

"Sorry." I said.

"No, it's my fault."

At the sound of her voice my eyes widen. That voice… it's so familiar. Could it be? No, it can't.

"Loren?"

She looked at me confused. Those hazel eyes. I see them again after three months. God how much I miss them.

"Ummm Eddie?"

She said unsure. She pulled her hair back over her ear and I was able to see her beautiful face. She had bags, and her cheeks had a trail of tears. I didn't miss the sudden sadness her eyes had. Her sparkling hazel eyes are now dull and lifeless. Just like mine.

I avoid her gaze and look down. I bit my lip. What happened? I wanted to ask her so many questions. I want to tell her so many things. But I didn't. Instead I nodded and walked past her. I need to get away from her. I don't what I'll do. I need to get as far as possible… I need her.

"Eddie wait!"

I stop dead in my track and curse at myself. What are you doing? You fool! Keep walking. You'll only hurt more. The pain will become stronger. Get away. Yet I didn't. I waited for her to catch up to me. She touched my arm and I felt bolts of electricity throughout my body. She felt it too. I know it. She let go of me as soon as she did. I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. I can't look at her.

"What do you want?" I said in a harsh tone. Please, don't do this to me.

"Ummm-" Taken aback by my sudden tone she fidgeted and I slowly opened my eyes. I glance at her eyes and I notice how she was on the verge of tears. She averted her eyes away from me and shook her head.

"Nothing!" She was turning around.

"Wait!"

What am I doing? She stopped and looked at me. What now? I sighed and shrugged. "Walk with me." I put the beer to the side and waited for her response. She hesitated for a moment before nodding her head. She walked past me and I followed her. We exited out of the store and began walking down an ally of buildings that led to her car. I felt her looking at me from the corners of her eyes. And I so much wanted to pin her down and kiss her. Kiss her like I never kissed her before. Three months. It's been three months since I have ever held and caressed you. Why did you do this?

"How have you been?"

I'm dead. Can't you see that? I bite my lip. "Good." I choke out. Loren nods and her hands turn into fist. "That's good."

I need to go. This is killing me. I stop walking and Loren looks at me questionably. I close my eyes to prevent the tears. I want to hold you again. I want to wake up every morning knowing that you're mine. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I want you. You have my heart in your hands and you don't seem to care. You dropped it to the ground and now the pieces are lost to never be found again.

"Eddie… what's wrong?"

Us. Babe. Us.

"Nothing. Ummm look I have to go. Umm I'll see you."

I breathe heavily and Loren steps closer. She cups a cheek and smiles warmly. Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like you care when you don't? Stop this please. Save me. Save us.

"Eddie…" She wraps her arms around me and I stood there frozen. Then it hits me. All those 'I love you' from her. All those wonderful memories. All those times I held her in my arms and she snuggled closer to me. All those times I woke up first in the morning and she had smile on her face. All those times we made love and she would never forget to say 'I love you.' Her gentle touch. Her carasses. Her kind and loving words. Her smile that was always directed to me. Her laughter. Her eyes sparkling with joy whenever I danced with her. Her kisses full of passion and want.

She let go of me and wiped the tear that was rolling down on my cheek. Soon she was crying with me.

"Why?"

She held her breath and bit her lip.

"Why did you lied and told me you didn't love me?"

She down casted her eyes.

"Loren please tell me." I pleaded. "Did I do something to you? Did I say something? Please tell me. Please."

She pulled away but I pulled her back into my arms. This is how it's supposed to be. You belong with me. We belong together.

"I-I-I"

"Please. You're killing me here. You're suffocating me with so much pain. Don't you know how much I'm suffering? Please."

"I can't…"

"Why not?"

"Because if I do you'll be taken away from me… I was forced to this…." She choked on her words and broke down. She wrapped her arms around my torso and sobbed uncontrollably.

"You remember that time when I disappeared all of the sudden." She said between cries. I nod my head. It was the day after Pop's got married to Nora. Loren said she was going to the store. Hours pass and there was no sign of her. I searched everywhere for her. But I couldn't find her. I tried contacting the police but they said for a person to be marked missing there needs to be 48 hours. I was sitting on my couch, biting my nails when she slowly opened the door. This was the day before she left me.

"I was walking to my car when someone knocked me out unconscious from behind. I woke up in a dark room. I couldn't move, I was tied up on a chair and then I heard a door close."

We were sitting on the steps of one of the buildings. She was sitting one step lower, in-between my legs and my arms were wrapped around her. She continued talking choking once a while. I listened carefully to each word she said.

"It was Chloe…" My hold tightens on her and my eyes turned dark with hatred and fury. Loren noticed my body go rigid and she gently stroked my arms in order to calm me down.

"She told me that if she couldn't have you then no one else can. She threatened me that if I didn't leave you before 42 hours then she would go after you and take you. Kill you." She exhaled. "I was scared. I didn't know what to do."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"She hired a hitman. And she told me clearly, without missing a detail, all that would happen if I didn't do what she said." She shook her head and I pressed my forehead behind her head. "I asked why she didn't kill me then. She said that she wants to see me suffer and shrivel up in pain. That that's her revenge because I took the life she was supposed to live."

"Loren…" I kissed the top of her head.

"I knew that if I told you, you would've gone to her. God knows what what would've happened to you. So I told you I didn't love you because that would be the only way for you to let me leave." I held her in my arms, remembering that day. The day that she killed me. Loren controlled her breathing and continued talking. "That day that I was leaving. And I told you I didn't love you. I didn't mean it." She turned to me and caressed my cheek. "Why did you believe me? You know how much you mean to me. When I saw you crying on your knees I wanted to hug you and tell you all about it. But I couldn't. And then you believed every lie I told you."

I shook my head. "Your words got to me. You rejected me. And I didn't know what to think. You threw the bomb and I didn't know how to take it."

She sighed and pressed her forehead on mine. She gazed at my eyes and smiled. Slowly she leaned in and our lips touched. I need this. I need her. Cupping one cheek I gently grabbed her waiste. Our kiss was gentle, all that I needed right now. All that I want. Her. She slowly pulled away and stood up.

"I need to go."

"Stay."

"She's still watching you know."

I stood up. "She'll pay for this. She's not going to get away. I'll damn make sure she doesn't." She nodded her head and I stepped closer to her. "Until then. Please don't run away from me again. Stay with me and I'll never let you go."

Sighing, she tiptoed and gave me a chaste kiss before turning around. I watch her go to her car and suddenly she turns around.

"Eddie?"

I wait for her and she smiles.

"I love you."

I smile for the first time in three months. I nod my head and she continued walking. I watch her go and know I'll see her again. I'll have her back in my arms. She's mine again. She saved me.

I'm alive.

-o-

**Stand there and look into my eyes**  
**And tell me that all we had were lies**  
**Show me that to you don't care**  
**And I'll stay here if you prefer**  
**Yes I'll leave you without a word**  
**Without a word**

**Without a word**  
**Without a word**  
**Without a word**  
**Without a word**

-o-

_**I listened to Birdy without a word and this idea came up. I hope you like it :)**_

_**Stay true,**_

_**Leddiexx**_


End file.
